My mother, Veronica and I were best friends who made frequent trips to Ireland together. This story happened in August of 1991.
Now, a little background on the Old Uncle, Tommy. Back in 1970, when we first went to Ireland, there were no lights on the roads. When you came out of someone's house, you could barely see your hand in front of you which was the case when visiting the relatives.
This particular evening, we were visiting relatives with Uncle Tommy. He was at that time around 45 years of age. My sister, Dorris (RIP) was 16, beautiful, tall and blonde. In the total darkness, Uncle Tommy tried to grab Dorris and highjack her into his car. Now Dorris, being a tough girl from NYC, gave him a good whack and she was set free! When confronted, of course, he told us he was "only joking".
Now fast forward to 1991. I am 35 years of age and very, very leery of Uncle Tommy who by now must be 66. ( A few years prior while visiting him, he tried to pull the same stunt on my friend, Mary...unsuccessfully.)
So, Veronica and I arrive in Ireland and visit Uncle Tommy. He is quite weather beaten looking and he has the biggest fingers that was even given to a man. Veronica said it was from all the years carrying the pails of milk and the arthritis. Each finger went in another direction but that wouldn't stop him. Oh, did I mention that he was never married and lived alone on a farm with just his cows?
This particular afternoon while having tea, Uncle Tommy mentioned that there was a Scottish Band in town called The Alexander Brio. We must go to the High Three's Pub tonight to see them play. Now, since this is Ireland in 1991, Uncle Tommy said that it would not be proper for him to be seen out with two women so he would find me an escort. OK, Uncle Tommy and the escort will come by the B&B and pick us up later to go to the pub. I figured this should be a good one...
The car drove up and there was Uncle Tommy and his friend, John Lacey. Now, I knew Lacey from prior visits. Did I mention that he was about 86 years of age! He also had a full head of red hair that was protruding from every orifice on his head! The only place the red hair was not coming out of was his mouth! This was my date or escort!
Off we go to the High Three's Pub. It was so crowded that after a few pints, Uncle Tommy decided that we should leave and hit another pub way out in the countryside called the Wolfpack Pub. It was very dark and very quiet place. We found a table in the back and ordered a few drinks.
Veronica had visited the relatives here in Ireland many times since our first visit in 1970 ad she knew Lacey from those visits. They were talking about the old stories about the town when Lacey says to Veronica, "where in the world did you hear all of that stuff"? Veronica replied "from you"! So we laughed and laughed.
After visiting the restroom, I was returning to my seat which was on a bench next to Uncle Tommy. Right before I was to sit down, what do you think is on my seat but Uncle Tommy's big, big hand waiting to goose me? Of course I caught him before he could accomplish his task and he just let out a chuckle. Neither Veronica or Lacey saw any of this.
Now it was Uncle Tommy's turn to go to the restroom. Not ever thinking that I would pull the same stunt on him, he sat right down on my hand and YES, I GOOSED him! He let out such a yell like "WHOOOOOOOOOOO" that I started to laugh and put my head in my lap. My mother thought she heard something but he stopped immediately and she didn't notice me laughing. I laughed so hard I nearly died! All I could think about was wait until I go home and tell my two sisters that I GOOSED the old Uncle in Ireland! Yikes!
Everything calmed down very quickly and the conversation went on as usual. When it was time to be dropped off, Uncle Tommy said we would meet for tea the next day prior to leaving. No problem.
Once we got into our room at the B&B, I told my mother the entire story. She said she heard the howl but didn't know where it came from...it sounded like a wounded dog! We laughed and laughed all night and the next morning.
Next day at tea, Veronica said to Uncle Tommy, I heard Ronnie goosed you last night. All he could do was SMILE.
Hope you enjoyed our little story. 'Till next time.